Crazy Christmas, Or: When Death Eaters Celebrate
by Christina1988
Summary: Bellatrix is decorating a tree with Harry Potter voodoo dolls, Narcissa is making cookies. A failed mistletoe, many unfitting presents and a Lucius who hates Christmas. My idea of a Death Eater Christmas. OneShot.


_I'm not really in a Christmas mood yet and so I decided to do something to get me there. Thanks to my friend for having the wonderful idea of decorating a Christmas tree with voodoo dolls – that idea lead me to writing this._

_Enjoy!_

**A Death Eater Christmas**

Yes, it was real. Not a joke. Not newspaper hoax. Christmas was drawing dangerously close and even the foulest creature among the evil – Lord Voldemort – was celebrating it. And all of his Death Eaters, whether they liked Christmas or not, were forced to help.

"I don't really see the point," said Lucius annoyed. He was standing in a pile of tinsel and eyed the weird procedures in his own home suspiciously.

"Why do we celebrate Christmas at all? It happens often that a boy is born who thinks he's God."

But nobody seemed to listen to him. They were too busy decorating.

"Alright, I offered my house as headquarters but that does not mean the Dark Lord can do whatever he pleases! I will not have Christmas celebrations in my house!"

"Get a grip, Lucius," said Bellatrix who just entered the foyer, carrying what looked like straw stars and . . . puppets? She was in her best mood, smiling and even _humming_ a Christmas song. And Lucius thought he had seen the worst.

With a wave of her wand Bellatrix made a huge tree appear in the middle of the hall and she immediately began decorating it with stars and puppets.

"What the hell is that supposed to be?" Lucius picked one of the ugly things off the floor and took a closer look. It was a small doll with black hair and glasses, wearing a robe.

"It's a Harry Potter voodoo doll – obviously. I thought they were fun. And please don't step on the tinsel," Bellatrix said and continued to concentrate on her work again.

Suddenly she turned around to her husband Rodolphus, who was engarlanding the door and screamed.

"You blithering idiot, I told you not to use pine, only fir. The Dark Lord is allergic to pine."

"How the hell did you know. . ." he started but Bellatrix cut him off.

"I can smell it, stupid. I can smell you're using bloody pine for the decoration and I want you to get rid of it now. Everything must be perfect when He arrives."

She sent a crucio at her husband but missed and hit the garland instead.

Lucius had seen enough and made his way to the kitchen where he expected to find his wife Narcissa. He entered the kitchen and shouted immediately.

"Would you please remove your sister from the hall? She's completely gone bonkers now. Decorating everything for this stupid muggle thing and . . ."

He stopped when he looked at Narcissa. She was wearing a pineafore and . . . what the hell was she doing?

"Christmas cookie?" she asked, offering him a plate with differently adorned cookies in shapes of angels, stars and Christmas trees.

"No!" he screamed when she was holding up an angel.

"They're really good. Even Draco said they taste good. And I put cinnamon in. I thought you liked cinnamon?!"

"Alright," Lucius mumbled and bit off the angel's head. He didn't even have time to tell his wife how delicious he really found the cookies when they suddenly heard someone screaming.

"Oh no," Narcissa said, turning pale, "I hope Bella didn't hurt anyone seriously."

They hurried back into the hall just to find Bellatrix and Rodolphus fighting. . . again. A pathetic looking mistletoe was dangling over them in midair.

"What happened?" Narcissa asked worried.

"He tried to kiss me," screeched Bellatrix, pointing at her husband. Lucius and Narcissa obviously didn't see where the problem was.

"You were standing under a mistletoe," he tried to defend himself.

"I was trying to set a charm on the mistletoe so it would float and now look at it," Bellatrix was right. The charm did go wrong.

"I'll get a new one," Rodolphus said, apparently happy to get away from his crazy wife.

"Yeah, but do it quickly. Everything must be ready when the Dark Lord gets here. . ."

"STOP!" Lucius roared and interrupted Bellatrix in her sentence.

Everyone turned to look at him.

"I'm not having a bloody misteltoe in my house. I'm not having a Christmas party at all!"

They still stared at him as if he was an alien from a far-off galaxy. And he didn't even notice he was dangerously close to the mistletoe, if not standing directly under it.

In that very moment the door opened and a completely snowed up Severus Snape entered the hall, stopping exactly next to Lucius.

"Am I late?" he asked and all of a sudden everyone burst into laughter.

"What?" asked Lucius angrily and then he realized what they all had noticed.

"NO WAY!" he screamed and ran off in the direction of his study, "I'll be in my room. Call me when you've found a cure for this disease called Christmas!"

"What the hell is going on here?" Snape asked, looking bewildered.

Narcissa, who was still chuckling, pointed to the failed misteltoe floating over his head. Snape only groaned and rolled his eyes. Then he pointed to the small, snowy figure behind him.

"I've brought something," he said.

The figure was not a snowman but Wormtail carrying a huge bottle of expensive looking wine.

"For the dinner party," Snape explained.

There was a knock on the door, followed by a hysterical scream from Bellatrix' mouth.

"That is him," she whispered, "That's the Dark Lord! Go open the door!"

She pushed Snape to the door and carefully placed herself directly under the misteltoe. The door opened and Lord Voldemort entered the yet unfinished hall.

"I'm sorry, my Lord," Bellatrix apologized immediately, bowing as if he were royalty.

Voldemort looked around and apparently he found nothing displeasing. Almost nothing.

"It looks fine to me," he said, "Except for that poor plant above your head, Bellatrix."

And with a wave of his wand he made the mistletoe and all of Bellatrix' hopes vanish. When she looked up again she saw Snape sneer at her.

"Where is Lucius?" the Dark Lord wanted to know.

"He is. . . in his room. He doesn't like Christmas very much," explained Narcissa.

"He doesn't want to celebrate with us? Now, I think he will change his mind when he hears I've brought presents for all of you."

Narcissa hurried over to his study and knocked on the door.

"Come out, Lucius," she whispered, "The Dark Lord is here. He even brought presents."

"Is he wearing red robes with white borders and a fake beard?" he asked from the other side of the door.

"Oh, for Merlin's sake – come out!"

Narcissa managed to make her husband leave his room after another ten minutes and join all of them for dinner. But the real party was to begin after the meal.

"Now, let's get to the good part," announced Voldemort, "The presents."

Everyone started cheering, and wondering what the Dark Lord might have thought a nice gift for them.

"Let's start with you, Lucius," he said, pulling out a small box, "Blonde hair dye for you."

"B-but. . . I'm a natural blonde," Lucius protested.

"Yes," said the Dark Lord, pulling out the next present, "Yes, of course. Now – Wormtail. You get a huge stock of Polyjuice Potion. And I order you to be creative with your choice of looks. Take someone good looking for a change."

"Ohh. . . errr. . . thanks, Master," the man splutered.

"You, Severus, you get a bottle of the most expensive shampoo I could find. Maybe that will encourage you to wash your hair in the future."

Snape growled and took the bottle.

"And last but not least, Bellatrix, who has missed no opportunity to show how much she enjoys serving me – you get a Voldemort sex dummie!" he said, handing over a small bag containing the sex toy.

Bellatrix' pale cheeks blushed as she reluctantly took the bag from the Dark Lord's hands.

"And now," he said, "how about a nice Christmas song?"

At the end of the day Narcissa and Lucius, who had disposed of all the decoration before, fell exhausted into their bed.

"I'm never having a Christmas party in my house again," he said, "Not for the family, not for the Minister of Magic, not even for Lord Voldemort."

"That's too bad," Narcissa said, "because I already invited them for next year."


End file.
